Heaven, by Alexandra Adornetto

- Halo #3
Release date: August 21st 2012
Published by: Feiwel and Friends
Genre: Young Adult
Find it on: Goodreads, Amazon

Only sixteen when she started the series, Ally Adornetto knows how teen hearts beat, and this long-awaited conclusion is certain to be her most popular book yet.

Bethany, an angel sent to Earth, and her mortal boyfriend, Xavier, have been to Hell and back. But now their love will be put to its highest test yet, as they defy Heavenly law and marry. They don’t tell Beth’s archangel siblings, Gabriel and Ivy, but the angels know soon enough, and punishment comes in a terrifying form: the Sevens, who are rogue angels bent on keeping Beth and Xavier apart, destroying Gabriel and Ivy, and darkening angelic power in the heavens.

The only way Bethany and can elude the Sevens is to hide in the open, and blend in with other mortals their own age. Gabriel and Ivy set them up at college, where they can’t reveal their relationship, and where there is still danger around each corner. Will Bethany be called back to Heaven – forever – and face leaving the love of her life?

It's incredible how much taste in books can change over the years. When I first read Halo, two years ago, I loved it so much I read it again three times. I adored Hades as well, although I agreed about everything the negative reviews said (ironic, I know). When Heaven came out a couple of weeks ago, I knew I probably wouldn't like it, but well... I decided to give it a try. 

I wish I hadn't.

Let me be honest with you guys: I didn't finish reading this book. My review is based entirely on the first nine chapters, because that's as far as I went. I'm not saying this book is awful from the beginning to the end - that would be highly hypocrite of me - but from the beginning to chapter 9? Yeah, it's pretty bad. A few gems were enough for me to drop this book and want to burn it.

Bethany and Xavier are going to marry (and they're not even nineteen, let me tell ya), and apparently Heaven has a problem with this, since, you know, Bethany is an angel and Xavier is a human. An earthquake strikes the town, and suddenly, Bethany knows something is wrong in the Kingdom. And what do they do? They hurry to a chapel, and get married. 

Oh, how romantic. And stupid. 

Bethany, you know something is wrong in Heaven, and it all started the second Xavier tried to put a ring in your finger, and you still run to the freaking chapel and get married. Do you want to die, or is it just a subconscious wish?

All right, moving on. They get married, the priest dies in front of them, and they're suddenly being chased by the Seven, rogue angels who want to keep them apart. Actually, Heaven itself wants to keep them apart. Gabriel and Ivy defy the laws to help them (as if the Archangel Gabriel would defy God to protect an angel and a human and allow them to be together. Go figure), and you know how Beth and Xavier feel about all of this?

They're okay with it. They don't regret the fact that they got married and a lot of people could die because of it. They don't regret it at all, and that just pissed me off. They're feeling guilty because the priest died, but not because it was their decision to marry in the first place. I can't even begin to say how wrong this is. 

Also, there were a few quotes that jumped at me (meaning, I wanted to kill myself when I read them):

"We can think of it like a game," I replied. "Winning the right to be together... that's our goal, and we're just playing against an especially difficult team."

Yeah, you're playing against Heaven. And a person has already died because of it. What are you going to think of that, Bethany?

"You know that won't ever change, right? I'll always be here." Xavier pressed his forehead against mine. "You can bet on that. Besides, fending off these Sevens should be a piece of cake after what you've been through."
I thought about that for a second and decided he was right. What could be worse than being dragged to Hell and trapped in an underworld where those you loved couldn't find you?

LOLOLOLOL. Seriously, I laughed out loud at that. NOTHING happened to her in the underworld! NOTHING! She stayed in a first class hotel, being pampered by the Prince of Hell himself, and not even once was she hurt in the process. Yes, emotionally, that was hard, but come on. Being hunted by rogue angels who wanted to kill you and would do anything to accomplish that is slightly more tormenting, isn't it?

"How many babies do you want to have?" With any other teenage boy, that kind of question would have set off major alarm bells. But as usual, Xavier was unfazed. 
"Probably no more than a dozen."
"Be serious."

They're teenagers. She's an angel. They're being hunted by Heaven. People can die. Gabriel and Ivy are going through Hell to help them. And that's what they're talking about.
Oh, God. Why.

And that's not even the worst of it. They're in bed, trying to get some sleep, and Bethany just won't shut up about it.

"Do you think there's much change of it happening?"
"Of what happening?"
"Us having kids."
"Sure. Definitely. One day."
"Can we call our first born Waylon if it's a boy?"

Oh, PLEASE. GIVE ME A BREAK.

If you're asking yourself "Could it get any worse than this?", well... yes. Yes, it can. Bethany's stupidity can reach unspoken levels, to the point where they're supposed to stay in a cabin, and not come out, for anything, and this is what happens:

"Can we drive into town today?" I called out to Xavier, trying to sound blasé. "I really want to get out of the house."

Sure. Why don't you hang a sign on your neck, as well?

"Fine." He sighed heavily. "But if we're going outside you need to cover up to make sure you're not recognized."

"By who?" I asked sarcastically. "The paparazzi?"

I can't even.

Apart from those little gems that I just loved, there's the obvious things that pretty much pissed me off as much as those quotes. The fact that everybody just adores Bethany, even those who don't even know her:

"Oh, I can wait," she said emphatically. "You're so nice and pretty I don't wanna mess you up."

Oh, please.

There was also the fact that Xavier spoke British English most of the time, even though he's supposed to be American, through and through:

"But I reckon he must be pretty pissed off at someone."

Xavier was forced to smile at my analogy. "Reckon we can beat 'em?" he murmured. 

However, I must give credit where credit is due. Gabriel and Ivy surprised me a couple of times (positively!) and I can't help but mention these wonderful quotes:

"Do you expect us to keep defending you no matter what you do?"

"You do not experience emotion, Bethany - you wallow in it, you are controlled by it, and everything you have done is based entirely on self-interest."

"Just because you don't understand love doesn't make it wrong!"

"This isn't about love anymore. It's about obedience and responsibility. Two concepts you appear not to understand."

To those two, I only have one thing to say:

 

Apart from those quotes, Heaven failed to impress me. It was shallow, uninteresting, and the characters made me want to kill myself. I know this review is insanely long, but I had so many things to say, it was impossible to make it short. I regret all the time I spent reading this book, and honestly, I'm glad this trilogy is over. I know there are a lot of fans out there that are really sad Heaven is the last book, but for me, three books about Bethany was enough. More than enough, really.